The topic of DEEP LISTENING is so important, I will be featuring it through a series of upcoming blog entries. Today, we begin with an introduction to deep listening and the seven actions for making it happen.
Deep listening to another person requires that the listener be
in a reflective state of mind, curious and alert. It depends on each communicator having the intention to
understand.
Deep listening to another honors that person’s essential values.
The goal is to give open, uninterrupted time to everything that the other
person has to say. This type of attentive listening has a name. It’s called being
present to the speaker. It’s different from the kind of listening that
people use in casual conversations.
A person who deeply listens to another does very little.
She may say “um, I see,” or “ahh.” She may validate the person’s emotional
state by saying, “You look angry,” or “You seem sad.” To encourage the speaker
to say all that is on her mind, she may ask, “Is there more?” She gives no advice,
but remains silent and focused on what the other person is saying.
The real work the listener is doing is invisible to the eye. It
is the internal work of remaining present to the other person, of putting aside
her interior dialogue and her urge to speak in order to take in deeply the
meaning of what her colleague is saying.
How to Listen Deeply
First, you must have the strong
intention to be present to the speaker. You are giving your colleague the gift
of expressing herself fully to someone who is listening attentively. Through
the calm that you generate, you provide the safety that paves the way for the
speaker’s honesty. You don't have to agree, or even decide whether or not you
agree. Your aim is understanding.
Deep listening has seven actions:
• offering an invitation ("Do you
want me just to listen?")
• putting aside your own feelings and
thoughts about the topic
• maintaining alert, attentive body
language
• using very few words and refraining
from offering advice
• asking a question ("Have you
said all you wish to say?") expressing gratitude ("Thank you for
sharing or, for telling me what you experienced.")
• providing a transition ("May I
speak now?")
For the next few days, read this post over a few times and put any or all of it into action. Upcoming will be a discussion of the seven actions. Stay tuned!
